the heart of the matter

(for my sisters)

I'm learning to live without you now
But I still miss you sometimes

With every tear I shed with you I learned a new way to hope.
I found nourishment for a hunger I accepted for so long I forgot I had it.
I pushed myself further and harder, and, though I cringed, I trusted my voice because you trusted it, because, surrounded by you, I felt invincible in my vulnerability.
It was your grace and hospitality and openness that opened me all the way up, open in a way I had never shown even most of my lovers, open in a way I may never be with the family I was born to.
As we mothered ourselves, I learned sisterhood.
And as we looked war in the eye, I learned peace.
Hand in hand with you, I remembered how to dream, without faithlessness or embarrassment or apology.
And this hunger, this isolation, is no longer enough, no longer acceptable. My heart full of you, my sisters, I refuse to let it fall neglected again. And while I count the hours until we are all together again, I know I need something here, far away from you, to change. If the whole world has to change to make this community happen, we will change it.

You are family to me, and my home is open to you.

It was a joy and an honor to speak together with you.
Because of you, I have evolved beyond survival.


and I think it's about forgiveness