same as the old boss
I'm sorry, you were making a point about online feminists reproducing historical patterns of marginalization and privilege?
I couldn't hear you over the deafening roar of "I'll tell you what you're going to be called, and you're going to sit down and like it."
Lesson, kids: when someone you have privilege over says, "Excuse me, but I would appreciate if you didn't use that word to describe me, it makes me really uncomfortable," what is the proper response?
A: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm going to keep doing it."
B: "Some of my best friends are (insert somebody here), and they told me it was okay."
C: "I'm reclaiming that language for you, as a show of alliance. It shows I'm comfortable with your kind."
D: "You're wrong about the context of that word. It's not offensive and I didn't mean it to be."
E: "I guess I'll try to consider not saying it in front of you people in the future."
F: "Why are you so oversensitive?"
G: "Oh, okay, I didn't realize that. Sorry, I'll knock it off, because I respect your ability to know what is and is not hurtful to you."
Because only one of those is going to get me saying, "Oh, cool, I'm glad you understand, thanks. Shall we move on?" And the others? That's your greater inclusion? Let me tell you where to stick it.
(And all blogs are businesses? What about all the people who never attempt to profit from blogging, not because they can't, but because their aim isn't their own individual career success, but to build widely-accessible community connection? You know, like most of the women of color you reference?)
Seriously, as a smalltime woman of color blogger I really, really wanted to like this post and the ensuing conversation. And you just let me know that as a trans woman of color, it's okay to "colonize" me.
I couldn't hear you over the deafening roar of "I'll tell you what you're going to be called, and you're going to sit down and like it."
Lesson, kids: when someone you have privilege over says, "Excuse me, but I would appreciate if you didn't use that word to describe me, it makes me really uncomfortable," what is the proper response?
A: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm going to keep doing it."
B: "Some of my best friends are (insert somebody here), and they told me it was okay."
C: "I'm reclaiming that language for you, as a show of alliance. It shows I'm comfortable with your kind."
D: "You're wrong about the context of that word. It's not offensive and I didn't mean it to be."
E: "I guess I'll try to consider not saying it in front of you people in the future."
F: "Why are you so oversensitive?"
G: "Oh, okay, I didn't realize that. Sorry, I'll knock it off, because I respect your ability to know what is and is not hurtful to you."
Because only one of those is going to get me saying, "Oh, cool, I'm glad you understand, thanks. Shall we move on?" And the others? That's your greater inclusion? Let me tell you where to stick it.
(And all blogs are businesses? What about all the people who never attempt to profit from blogging, not because they can't, but because their aim isn't their own individual career success, but to build widely-accessible community connection? You know, like most of the women of color you reference?)
Seriously, as a smalltime woman of color blogger I really, really wanted to like this post and the ensuing conversation. And you just let me know that as a trans woman of color, it's okay to "colonize" me.
posted by little light | 6:27 AM
10 Comments:
i just emailed you to apologize then read your post, so i felt i should make this more public. to be honest, i wasn't aware that there was this issue surrounding this word until reading the articles that heleng posted in the comments. it's never been brought up in the queer communities i'm a part of. i apologize for not understanding how my words were affecting you. lack of awareness is not an excuse for poor behavior.
I do appreciate the apology, and I'm glad you made it public, Mandy.
I hope this can just be a learning experience for all of us. While we can clear up this particular incident, after all, the dynamics involved come up again and again, and it's nice to see we can work together on fixing that.
It gets worse when the word goes "viral"--and there is (for example) "The Redneck Comedy Tour" on ComedyCentral, or a successful cookbook titled "White Trash Cooking"--so everyone thinks they are allowed to say it. (sigh) I think that winner of PROJECT RUNWAY (forget his name) who dismissed everything frou-frou as "looks like tr*nny ice capades" made lots of people think: "See! It's okay to say it now! It's on BRAVO!" (Frankly, if I didn't read blogs that taught me different, I'd think so too.)
So, you do important work! :)
Mandy,
While I'm glad you apologized and understand why it is not okay to use that word to refer to trans people, it appears to still be in your post on Professor What If.
This makes the apology seem a bit lukewarm.
*sigh*
i ahve decided to listen to you sing instead
that tends to make head hurt less
Love you so much, little light. Thank you for speaking.
Great post. Thank you for speaking out about this.
Thank you, Little Light! Good post.
This is a great post, Little Light.
It's funny to me how these things seem to come in cycles and waves--I had just started posting about the t-word again when a huge comment thread on Facebook erupted after a trans activist friend asked people not to use the word as part of his status message. (Someone decided to respond with "Then don't call me gay.")
I'm feeling some parallels between this and Renee's awesome Go Ahead, Say N-----" post. (She uses the full word in her title, but I'm really not comfortable using it.)
It seems there are a lot of cis folks who really, Really want to use slurs without getting called out for it. And Law & Order just wasn't giving them enough permission.
An Apology from Brittany and Mandy
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